simplysydney:

I knew I had some social problems, kind of caused by my depression. But now I’m realizing how bad it is.

I push people away who love me. When someone is sweet to me, I cry. Not tears of joy, I cry because I’m sad. I just realized why I get sad. It’s because I don’t want people to be sweet to me, because I know it’s fake. Being sweet is bullshit. I mean, I know that’s not true. But that’s what my subconscious tells me. That’s how fucked up I am. That’s why I don’t trust anyone. I’ve been screwed over so many times by so many people. It messed me up so much that now I won’t allow people to love me. What the fuck is wrong with me? I hate me. I want to be loved, so badly. But when I am, I don’t believe it. Fuck my stupid mind. Fuck. Someone is finally here to listen to me and help me out. He’s very very sweet. But as soon as he started being sweet, I shied away. I cried. Because I can’t truly believe it. I do believe he is sweet, yes. But I guess somewhere deep inside me, I’m so damaged that I can’t actually feel any belief. I can’t actually trust him. I can’t trust that he really is sweet. There’s always doubt. And that’s why I can’t find love anymore. I do this crap and push people away as soon as they show any affection.

I wish I could explain it better, because I am not doing it right. I’m just fucked up. My mind is shit. I hate this. I wish I could rewind like two years and be that person again.

Fuck man. I really wish I knew how to put all this in words, but I did the best I could..

Girl just stated my feelings word for word.

(via defiant-souls-deactivated201201)